dunno what to do, but I don't wan't to listen to the tutorials. I wan't to learn everything by myself :)
Well... you'd have to at least go through a few tutorials just to get a basic grasp of programming. That, or maybe read some programming books. I'd suggest tutorials though, simply because hands-on learning in programming is often better. I'd suggest doing a codecademy course in a language of your choosing to get a bare bones amount of programming knowledge, just the basics.
Or you could look through the language docs and figure out everything from there. Keep in mind this is VERY overwhelming and there's a lot of vocabulary and programming lingo you wouldn't understand, making it an extremely difficult - if not impossible - experience.
One feasible option is reading some articles on basic programming, learning some basic programming knowledge and vocab, and playing around with an IDE. Maybe check out some docs, look at other projects, etc.
But I'd highly suggest you do some tutorials too. It will make your life much easier and will streamline the experience, and after all, when it comes to programming, efficiency is key. Like I said above, doing at least one course in a language of your choice in codecademy is what I would suggest, just so you can get a basic grasp about programming.
Link to codecademy: https://www.codecademy.com